dark

we peeled ourselves out of bed this morning
through the sickness and grief
to go to church.
listened to the message.
we prayed. i cried.

rushed out of there to get home.
with the assistance of various legal drugs
to mask the pain and heartache
slept until it was dark again.

i was interrupted mid afternoon
by a friend delivering dinner for us
with her beautiful children.
for a moment
the world was rightside up again
while a brown haired, blue eyed baby girl
was in my house.
we have everything she would need.
a crib. diapers.
clothes. toys.
a stroller. a high chair.
a whole lot of love.
but we didnt make her.
i didnt grow her.
i didnt birth her.
she isn't ours.
so she can't stay
longer than a moment.

so we went back to sleep
until it was dark.
dark makes more sense.
we work when it's dark.
we live in the dark.
our hearts feel dark,
rainy, and gloomy.

waiting to taste the rainbow.