facts

i am very bitter and angry. im sorry. i cant help it. please dont get frustrated with me. im just being honest.

i am very sad, too.

i feel like every single person walking through the mall is pushing a stroller except me.

when i actually do see another young couple without a stroller, i wonder if they have a baby who died.

i would be comforted if i thought people looked at me and john and assumed we had a baby, rather than assuming that because we dont have a stroller, we aren't parents. because we are.

avatar was a good movie. i was thinking i wish i could go to the tree of souls, link in, and talk to kathlyn. i have a one track mind, dont i? it's utterly exhausting.

im now taking toradol by mouth Q6. if it doesnt relieve the pain, i'm having another CT scan.

i remember one of my veteran nurses saying that if children take toradol longer than 3 days, they could die. i'm scheduled for 5 days. and i've already had it for 2 days before this.

i'm scared of that. i dont like it at all. i dont want to die. and i believe many of you are relieved to hear me say that.

i want my baby. kathlyn. my daughter. i want her.

i can't have her. so i want to fly to haiti and get an orphan baby out of the rubble and take her home and love her. and keep her forever. that would be better than sleeping on the streets, wouldn't it?