about our anniversary

i wanted to post the photos from our anniversary. that day, i had a rough start. not too much of a surprise after a long and rough week. we tried to plan something special to do together, but couldnt think of a single thing we would enjoy.

i decided a couple's massage might be a nice thing to do. but that morning, as i was taking a bath, thinking about all that's happened this year, i became disgusted with my body and couldn't stand the idea of being touched by someone i dont know. i cancelled the appointments and decided enough was enough. i called and made an appointment with my OB. it was such a relief. after spending 4 days straight in bed, it was nice to talk to someone. they are such a wonderful group of doctors. i am lucky to have them in my unlucky circumstance.

so i went home and not all was lost... john and i went out to dinner. there was a long wait, so we walked around the mall first. i wanted to buy something, anything, with my baby's name on it. i thought maybe there would be personalization stands somewhere, left over from christmas. there was a little christmas basket of dog treats that said "joy". i almost bought that, but i really wanted her first name. i found a toy store that had the cutest little choo choo train letters. but it would have cost $45 for all of them. so we just took a picture.

it's frustrating how my blog is too thin and cuts off part of the wide pictures. hmph.



they also had some "wall" letters, and the cutest little magnets. so we bought the magnets to spell "kathlyn" as well as a magnet with a pink puppy. so perfect. i also saw a little girl walking through the mall carring a stuffed pink puppy. i swear, i dont make this stuff up. and i do believe it is my daughter saying hello to me. dont take that away from me.





dessert:


after dinner, as we left the mall, it was raining. i love the rain, and the dark. it so much more fits my mood than when it's sunny and warm. the rain expects nothing from me, where as the sun beckons me to enjoy myself; it's too much pressure.

now that i had something to write my baby's name with (the magnets), i wanted to photograph something. so we decided to go downtown to where the christmas trees are. john and i both work downtown. so we decided to take her to both his and my places of work. the lobby at my hospital had some really pretty trees. the little teddy bears there were on one of the trees. and we stuck her name to some police cars. i just love the car #731, which was supposed to be her birthday, july 31. the day i was supposed to have my csection. the raindrops look like tears. sadness that "kathlyn 7-31" is NOT in fact her name written with her birthday, because there was a glitch in the universe and now we are living on an alternate line. how i wish i could find my way back. each year so far, we've taken a nice photo of ourselves on our anniversary. where john takes the picture himself. this year, we have our little K. not how we wanted her. but still always in our hearts.















3 years with the love of my life, 5 months without the product of that love.