reaction time

so... the reactions have been plentiful and varied... with respect to my fellow policewives, i will not add names or specific responses here. some say just leave it up to God. that His plan will work itself out. some say to stop trying, i have plenty of time to have children, although they understand the whole "children before 30" thing. some say go on the trip no matter what, and some say that africa is dangerous and go on having that baby!!! some say going on the trip might make us better parents, and i might just have to agree with that! some say just don't change anything... keep trying.. and if i do or don't get pregnant, there's my answer. it's not quite time to start raising money yet.. so i still have time to decide. also, even if i do start raising money, then get pregnant, i can still either give the money back, or donate it to my friend who is definitely going on the trip. this coming sunday is an information session about the whole thing, and john and i are going to go. we can also find out if there's a cancellation, what would that involve. because in all honesty, i could be set to GO GO GO, attempt NOT to get pregnant, and then get pregnant anyway.


here is my response to all my lovely policewife friends' responses.

first let me say, i have loved every response and all are taken into consideration.

i thought my mom would be totally against me going, big worry wart that she is. but her only concern was taking off so much time from work, both for john and me, which i promptly reminded her that it's only a 2 week mission trip.

my good friend and policewife from charlotte has 3 children under 4, and they are her life and her heart, but she said, hands down, do the mission trip. she says that everything she wants to do, now she has to do in 20 years when her children are finally grown. she said take the one last bang before parenthood. that puts it into perspective. she was 29 and a half when she had her first


as some of you pointed out... there might be a miracle inside of me already, you're right.. today is the first real day i could be considered "late".. but im feeling more crampy/pms-y than nauseous from HCG.. ugh. mission trip or not, i will be highly disappointed to see the period come. we were BUNNIES while i was ovulating! UGH!!


about getting sick/dysentery, etc. yes africa is very dangerous for many reasons.. disease, political instability, etc. but, i work in a children's hospital, i am exposed daily to RSV, herpes (my personal favorite!), hepatitis, gastroenteritis, c-diff, pneumonia, and many far worse and far more contagious diseases. i could get any disease at any time, really. DH could get shot, or we could get slammed by a semi truck on the way to the movies on a sunday. so im trying not to say no to africa simply based on the risks. policitally, tanzania is one of the safest in africa. it's not on the US "warning alert" list.

now im gonna join a camp that will be highly unpopular. im not a huge believer in "things happen for a reason" or "if it's meant to be, it will be" or "God has a plan." im in the "free will" camp. after my father died, at 54, a thin man who never ever drank, smoke, did drugs, cheated, or did anything wrong hardly other than yell when the texas longhorns were losing, dropped dead from a coronary blockage, 4 months after being given a clean bill of health from a cardiologist. everyone always said to me in my grief "things happen for a reason." oh really?? WHAT IS IT?! for what good flippin reason was my father ripped from this earth, away from his wife, children, to not walk his only daughter down the aisle, and not meet his grandchildren who were born just a mere 7 months after his death. there is NO good reason for that, and please please please do not argue that there is, or that "there's a reason and i just dont know it yet." i believe my father's death was a MISTAKE, not part of a plan, and im living in an alternate universe without him, and really he is supposed to be here and die at 88 like his father did.

on that hand, i do not believe it was God who made that mistake. God doesn't make mistakes. but He allows things to happen. He allowed 4 planes to make a horrible attack. He allows my babies at work to get sick and die. He allows all the troubles we have on this PW site, making "prayer requests" our most popular thread. He allows it, because that is free will. knowing hurt is knowing and comparing it to joy. maybe there's my reason, but im allowed not to like it. im allowed to be angry that this happened to my father and that it happens to families every day. MY God understands and lets me be angry!!! He is strong enough to handle it.


well, that was a side note, wasnt it?! so anyway.. im not that big on the whole plan thing, im a believer that *I* will decide which decision is right. that doesnt mean i wont use God's help or guidance, or that many of my friends, family, and acquaintances wont use their faith in God to help guide me.