Dont you just love signing onto facebook in the middle of the night. you know.. just "one last time" before bed.
Happening right now. LIVE AT 3AM! Which the lovely facebook allows us the instant gratification. A coworker of mine (who I just so happen to share a locker with), is 38w3d, and was leaking clear fluid so she went to the hospital. She got admitted because it was deemed amniotic fluid. She's not having contractions, but they will start pitocin at 4am if she still hasnt. Her exact words: "I'm so excited! We won't be leaving the hospital without the baby!"
Fuck.
She's a sweet girl. She really is. This is nothing personal against her. She has every right to post the exciting things happening to her in her pregnancy (the same as I have every right to post about my dead baby freely as I want). I did the same thing during my pregnancy, naively, assuming all along that I'd bring the baby home instead of a box. I know it had to be awkward for her because she found out she was pregnant right after my baby died. She really never said too many words to me at all since then, and definitely not any words of condolence. She works during the day, and I work at night, so I dont see much of her. She probably didnt want to approach me because she didnt have the heart to do so with her new pregnancy when I had just lost mine, as if she would be throwing it painfully in my face. I get that. It's a better reason not to offer condolences than everyone else who never offered them, for no reason at all, other than being cowardly. In her defense, I didnt congratulate her either. I still think she got the easier end of the bargain.
Not leaving the hospital without the baby, eh? Imagine that.
Fuck.
One problem I have (of many) is that she commented on my facebook page some congratulations for being pregnant. Hm. It's just as everyone else here in the babylost community says the same... those who disappear when times are hard seem to find their way back when times are sunshiney again. I dont think any of my coworkers read here, because I post most all of my blogs on facebook too.. but if any of you are here, let's please not hurt that new mommy's feelings for no reason, ok? Let's just leave me as the only one who gets hurt and not extend it to anyone else. Evidently, I can handle it just fine.
Fuck.
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Beth, I know exactly what you mean. My friend who got pregnant just as the bad news was broke to us about Cayden has used her fb to post all her baby news. When there was trouble in her pregnancy, and her son was born premature, she asked for prayers, just as I did. But somehow her prayers have been answered in her desired way. And each and every time I see something about her son, her new baby, her answered prayers......
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I hear ya on this ENTIRE post. I had a dayshift RT pregnant at the same time. We have never been the same to this day, 9 months later. Not sure if we will ever be the same. Sucks.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know what you mean. I am a school teacher and I am now the pity of the school. Everyone looks at me differently. I had one co-worker who was on maternity leave when I lost my son and when she came back she asked me how the baby was and I had to tell her that mine was dead. She has avoided me ever since. It really sucks to see people all around me pregnant and happy and all I have is a memory box and a broken heart.
ReplyDelete{{HUGS}}
Just found your blog, I am so sorry for everything that has happened. One of my co-worker's is on maternity leave too, boo-freaking hoo! No offense to the baby but I know exactly what you mean.
ReplyDeleteOh Beth. That must have stung. F*** indeed. xo
ReplyDeleteAs I said to you before... just plain sucks! I agree!
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